foolish mistakes, but whatever, they are all mine.
Mostly-cis, fat ,middle aged, bisexual, disabled, white femme. My hobby is seeing how many years I can add to my collection before I die.

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Here’s some peer-reviewed journal articles about BDSM and mental/emotional health

saxifraga-x-urbium:

dangerslut:

ambiguterus:

Psychological functioning of bdsm practitioners 

Pamela H Connolly, PhD.  Published 2006 in the Journal of Psychology and Human Sexuality

Abstract:

A demographic questionnaire and 7 psychometric tests were administered to 32 self-identified Bondage/Domination/SadoMasochism (BDSM) practitioners. Although psychoanalytic literature suggests that high levels of certain types of psychopathology should be prevalent among BDSMpractitioners, this sample failed to produce widespread, high levels of psychopathology on psychometric measures of depression, anxiety, obsessive-compulsion, psychological sadism, psychological masochism, or PTSD. In fact, on measures of clinical psychopathology and severe personality pathology, this sample appeared to be comparable to both published test norms and to DSM-IV-TR estimates for the general population. There were, however, some exceptions to this general pattern, most notably the higher-than-average levels of narcissism and nonspecific dissociative symptoms found in the sample. This study also raises significant concern about the appropriateness of the diagnosis of sexual masochism and sadism in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of the American Psychiatric Association or, minimally, the diagnostic criteria of these disorders.”

Psychological Characteristics of BDSM Practitioners

Andreas Wismeijer, PhD, and Marcel van Assen, PhD.  Published 2013 in The Journal of Sexual Medicine

From the Abstract:

Results. The results mostly suggest favorable psychological characteristics of BDSM practitioners compared with
the control group; BDSM practitioners were less neurotic, more extraverted, more open to new experiences, more
conscientious, less rejection sensitive, had higher subjective well-being, yet were less agreeable. Comparing the four
groups, if differences were observed, BDSM scores were generally more favorably for those with a dominant than a
submissive role, with least favorable scores for controls.
Conclusion. We conclude that BDSM may be thought of as a recreational leisure, rather than the expression of
psychopathological processes.”

Demographic and Psychosocial Features of Participants in Bondage and Discipline, “Sadomasochism” or Dominance and Submission (BDSM): Data from a National Survey

Juliet Richards, Richard O. De Visser, Andrew E. Gulrich, Chris E. Rissel, Anthony M.A. Smith.  Published 2008 in the Journal of Sexual Medicine

From the Abstract:

Results.  In total, 1.8% of sexually active people (2.2% of men, 1.3% of women) said they had been involved in BDSM in the previous year. This was more common among gay/lesbian and bisexual people. People who had engaged in BDSM were more likely to have experienced oral sex and/or anal sex, to have had more than one partner in the past year, to have had sex with someone other than their regular partner, and to have: taken part in phone sex, visited an Internet sex site, viewed an X-rated (pornographic) film or video, used a sex toy, had group sex, or taken part in manual stimulation of the anus, fisting or rimming. However, they were no more likely to have been coerced into sexual activity, and were not significantly more likely to be unhappy or anxious—indeed, men who had engaged in BDSM scored significantly lower on a scale of psychological distress than other men. Engagement in BDSM was not significantly related to any sexual difficulties.

Conclusion.  Our findings support the idea that BDSM is simply a sexual interest or subculture attractive to a minority, and for most participants not a pathological symptom of past abuse or difficulty with “normal” sex. “

If you’re going to criticize BDSM and imply that it’s emotionally unhealthy, how about you look at the research that’s already been done.  Kink doesn’t make someone unhealthy, broken, or pyschologically unsound.  It isn’t abuse, and it isn’t wrong.

You don’t have any business judging someone’s sexual behaviours, especially when the people who are qualified to evaluate them have already declared bdsm healthy.

Plunking this here too because anti-kink, kink critical and anti-sex people are pissing me off.

However, they were no more likely to have been coerced into sexual activity, and were not significantly more likely to be unhappy or anxious

"BDSM is awful and full of rape". 

No more so than the rest of society, now clean up your own backyard.

Cunnilingus in the Middle Ages and the Problem of Understanding Past Sex Lives

saxifraga-x-urbium:

Bidet, mate.: PSA

ladyaches:

If you are one of those people that cannot see how fucking problematic “consent is sexy” is, then unfollow me right now. You’re not welcome on this blog anymore.

And since I don’t have time to explain it to you, here are some links, educate yourself.

"Don’t tell me it’s private.  Tiger Beatdown explains it better than I could:

Heterosexuals do announce their sexuality in public, all the time, of course. Walking down the street holding hands, kissing their lover, wearing wedding rings, clothing and other aesthetic codes… In his coming out letter, Cooper notes that he didn’t come out because a reporter’s private life shouldn’t matter. Indeed. But part of the point is, being heterosexual isn’t private – it’s public.

Oh there are some people who think they’re private about their heterosexuality, but they do benefit from a heteronormative culture.  Maybe they’re uncomfortable with anyone else’s display of sexual identity because they don’t really think they have to have one.   never have to think about it.

Pretty much anything that makes a person go “Wow, I never have to think about that” is probably related to some kind of privilege.  A lot of people don’t like the word “privilege,” but I think it’s just a word for not even knowing (or not caring) what you’re taking for granted.

And I can see how people are trying to extend this privilege by saying “I don’t care, it doesn’t matter” in the same way that they don’t care about their own sexuality and think it doesn’t matter.  They’re often well-intentioned, and often not worth quibbling with — we have to pick our battles.

And yes, it’s possibly not directly important to the quality of Frank Ocean’s music whether he’s straight or not…but actually, I could easily see that being out as something other than straight might give him the freedom to address songs to non-heteronormative partners (real or theoretical) or queer subject matter.  Maybe just not having the tension of keeping a secret will allow him to concentrate better on his art.

You can do better than “not care”: you can be happy for us; you can be nice to us, show some interest in us.  We don’t have to “admit” we’re queer like we’re confessing a murder, but if it sounds like we do, you can acknowledge our battles and help us fight them.”


From “What not to say when you find out someone’s queer” by the Bisexual Wombat

  Exhibition: ‘Entre Nous: The Art of Claude Cahun’ at the Art Institute of Chicago « Art Blart
“In many ways, Cahun’s life was marked by a sense of role reversal, and her public identity became a commentary upon not only her own, but the public’s notions of sexuality, gender, beauty, and logic. Her adoption of a sexually ambiguous name, and her androgynous self-portraits display a revolutionary way of thinking and creating, experimenting with her audience’s understanding of photography as a documentation of reality. Her poetry challenged gender roles and attacked the increasingly modern world’s social and economic boundaries…” From Wikepedia

  Exhibition: ‘Entre Nous: The Art of Claude Cahun’ at the Art Institute of Chicago « Art Blart

“In many ways, Cahun’s life was marked by a sense of role reversal, and her public identity became a commentary upon not only her own, but the public’s notions of sexuality, gender, beauty, and logic. Her adoption of a sexually ambiguous name, and her androgynous self-portraits display a revolutionary way of thinking and creating, experimenting with her audience’s understanding of photography as a documentation of reality. Her poetry challenged gender roles and attacked the increasingly modern world’s social and economic boundaries…” From Wikepedia


boysgirlsmusicandfriends:

So this has been coming up on a lot of tags, so here are my two cents because thats what we do here on the internet.

If you don’t find fat people physically attractive THATS OKAY.

If you don’t find skinny people physically attractive THATS OKAY.

If you don’t find people in the middle physically attractive THATS OKAY.

Nobody is telling you what you can and cannot find attractive, just saying that people of one body type or another are not worth less as people because of it.

karapassey:

Why yes someone did make me mad today. 
Don’t fetishize my body type. Don’t dictate how I should feel about myself and how I should present myself to society in order to be deemed fuckable.

karapassey:

Why yes someone did make me mad today. 

Don’t fetishize my body type. Don’t dictate how I should feel about myself and how I should present myself to society in order to be deemed fuckable.

The Monosexual Privilege Checklist

magdolenelives:

No matter what orientation you identify as, you need to read this .A little heavy on the jargon, but it makes some awesome points.

RIOTS NOT DIETS: a letter to potential 'admirers': what does my fat body mean to you?

riotsnotdiets:.

"I think it’s perfectly legitimate to have a sexual preference for fat bodies. If that’s you, cool. Just don’t assume that my body means any one thing in particular. Don’t assume that my fatness predetermines anything about me, or about a potential relationship with me. DO NOT assume that you are doing me any favors by showing interest in me. “

i am fat: Fat Fetish

i—am—fat:

Fat fetishists are always so desperate to hear how happy we are to be fat—and we’re never allowed to have an off day or to feel down or ugly without it being some serious commentary on our “Confidence” level and how sexy we are—and, honestly, it seems to me that that says more about fat fetishists…