“Don’t tell me it’s private. Tiger Beatdown explains it better than I could:
Heterosexuals do announce their sexuality in public, all the time, of course. Walking down the street holding hands, kissing their lover, wearing wedding rings, clothing and other aesthetic codes… In his coming out letter, Cooper notes that he didn’t come out because a reporter’s private life shouldn’t matter. Indeed. But part of the point is, being heterosexual isn’t private – it’s public.
Oh there are some people who think they’re private about their heterosexuality, but they do benefit from a heteronormative culture. Maybe they’re uncomfortable with anyone else’s display of sexual identity because they don’t really think they have to have one. never have to think about it.
Pretty much anything that makes a person go “Wow, I never have to think about that” is probably related to some kind of privilege. A lot of people don’t like the word “privilege,” but I think it’s just a word for not even knowing (or not caring) what you’re taking for granted.
And I can see how people are trying to extend this privilege by saying “I don’t care, it doesn’t matter” in the same way that they don’t care about their own sexuality and think it doesn’t matter. They’re often well-intentioned, and often not worth quibbling with — we have to pick our battles.
And yes, it’s possibly not directly important to the quality of Frank Ocean’s music whether he’s straight or not…but actually, I could easily see that being out as something other than straight might give him the freedom to address songs to non-heteronormative partners (real or theoretical) or queer subject matter. Maybe just not having the tension of keeping a secret will allow him to concentrate better on his art.
You can do better than “not care”: you can be happy for us; you can be nice to us, show some interest in us. We don’t have to “admit” we’re queer like we’re confessing a murder, but if it sounds like we do, you can acknowledge our battles and help us fight them.”