foolish mistakes, but whatever, they are all mine.
Mostly-cis, fat ,middle aged, bisexual, disabled, white femme. My hobby is seeing how many years I can add to my collection before I die.
Posting will be random but may contain fat acceptance, wool, and cats, lagomorphs and corvids in no particular order. Posting may also be sporadic as I have ME/CFS and a bunch of other stuff that makes me tired and some times crabby.
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I know you are feeling frustrated, old, useless and stressed beyond belief right now, but I wanted to remind you of something, something that might put an unwell partner, flooded bathrooms, cockroach infestations and delayed house-moves into perspective. Because I think you need some perspective right now. I am going to tell you something amazing, something that has been figured out by far, far greater minds than mine.
Here is is what I want you to remember:
Every single atom in your body is as old as the Universe. Every part of your amazing brain has existing since the beginning of time. The calcium that allows your muscles to move makes up your bones, the iron in your blood, the salt in tears, every atom of every neurotransmitter that allows every thought, every movement, has always been. And when you die, everything that made up you will continue to be.
Think of that…everything you are has always been and will always be. When you die and begin to change and lose this form, who knows what the iron in your blood and the calcium in muscles will go on to be? What adventures of existence will happen to all those atoms?
But here, right now, you are a piece of the Universe that knows its self.
You are a piece of the Universe that knows it exists.
Can you even grasp how amazing that is? In all the history of time, this is only time that all these particles and atoms and elements will take this form, will be you.
You, along with every self aware animal, are for a short time, a part of the Universe that is thinking about its self.
You are part of the Universe speaking to its self. When you danced, you were part of the Universe dancing. When you cried, you were part of the Universe crying. None of these things can be undone or unmade, even when you as a person have passed out of living memory. How can you not find that incredible?
So, yes, you are old, as old as time, and the atoms and particles that make you today have knocked about a bit. And lets not forget that age means experience, and given just how old you are, you have experience to cope with all this (very) temporary inconvenience. You have been in the heart of a star, so this is nothing.
Oh and one last thing - remember to be kind to yourself, and to all the other pieces of the Universe who are thinking, crying, laughing, hurting, and struggling to figure out how to be.
I love you. You can do this.