I MAKE MISTAKES, BEAUTIFUL MISTAKES...

The world is not full of Attractive People and Unattractive People. It’s full of people who are attractive to some and not to others. I hear from trolls all the time who complain that they don’t want to be “forced” to find nasty, ugly fat women attractive–which utterly baffles me, since the last thing I want to do is encourage fat-hating dicks to date fat women. You don’t find fat people attractive? Fabulous. Don’t date them. I will find a way to pick myself up and move on without your love. But to assume your lack of sexual interest in fat chicks must be universal–or that the mere existence of self-confident fat people having healthy relationships somehow “forces” you to find fat attractive–is the height of fucking narcissism.

There are a lot of things that studies really do show help you live longer. Drinking a glass of red wine a day. Drinking multiple cups of coffee a day. Eating a little dark chocolate every day. No one yells or moralizes at people who don’t partake of wine or coffee or chocolate. Doctors don’t berate people for not having those things. Nobody wants to take away health care for people who don’t do those things. Nobody discriminated against people who don’t do those things. And if you asked people who do yell at fatties why they don’t yell at people who don’t do those things, they’d probably hem and haw and say something about “not their business” and “it’s their choice,” or something. Because, again, the health excuse is a lie. Not drinking wine or coffee, not eating chocolate, these aren’t considered to be morally bad things in our society. Being fat is. So even though being fat is provably not a choice for the vast majority of people, and not partaking of wine, coffee, and chocolate is a choice for the vast majority of people, being fat means people get to tell you how horrible you are for not doing everything in your power to live longer, but not having wine, coffee, or chocolate doesn’t.

My hands are still shaking angrily a little as I write this, dear reader. But I hope that you will read my brief story and share it with others, to perhaps inspire more beautiful women to stand up to fat shaming.

I was at the grocery store tonight, and a woman in front of me, after commenting on my selection of granola bars, turned around and offered me her card, telling me that she was a personal trainer and I could call her any time. This small, but presumptuous action implies that she 1) thinks I’m fat, 2) is outwardly telling me I’m fat, 3) thinks there is something wrong with my body that should be fixed 4) assumes that I don’t take care of my body or work out/already have a personal trainer, and 5) that she would be “willing” to be the one to fix my body. Really? I mean— REALLY? I’m a teacher, so does that mean every time I meet someone stupid I can hand them my card and offer them an education to fix their mind?

I politely took the card without a word. Then, my forehead started burning, and I felt the anger and sadly, the shame, come rushing, blood red, to the front of my face. I didn’t say a word, but as I walked out of the store, bags in hand, I fumbled to find the card she had given me and called the number on the phone. Straight to voicemail. But I left a message:

“My name is Sarah and I just met you at the grocery store. Thanks for your card, but I’m going to politely decline. Instead, I want to give you some constructive feedback. Offering me personal training when you don’t even know me is offensive and implies there’s something wrong with my body. I want you to understand that just because my body doesn’t look like how YOU think it should look, doesn’t mean that there’s anything wrong with it or that you have the right to judge my body or offer me ways to ‘fix’ myself. It’s offensive and presumptuous to assume that I need or want personal training, and although it might be hard for you to understand, I actually am quite happy with the way my body looks. Just because I’m not a size 4, doesn’t mean I’m not beautiful, and doesn’t mean I’m not healthy or content with the way I am. I wish you all the best with your personal training career, and I hope this feedback is helpful for you.” *Click*

I’m learning to love my body and I won’t let someone shame me into feeling like there’s something wrong with it. Those kinds of remarks trigger so many emotions in me— shame, anger, rage, sadness, defeat. But I won’t let someone shame me anymore. It took a lot of courage to call her, but I’m glad I did, and I hope that she won’t continue shaming others because they don’t fit her cookie cutter model of what beautiful is. Please share/reblog my small story with others so that we can be reminded that we are beautiful and together, we can stand up against fat shaming. I never would have or could have done this without the inspiration of the beautiful fatshionable women of the blogosphere. Thank you to all of you who continue blogging. You inspire me to love my self, and to stand up for what’s right.

I’m interested in the idea of fat people as objects of fascination. We are objects of fascination in medicine, and in research. I hadn’t been able to articulate it until now but we are also photographic objects of fascination. Headless fatties make this clear. And being an object of fascination brings with it forms of symbolic violence; we are dehumanised and belittled in that gaze. Perhaps the quality of the fascination in each field varies, but it’s a fascination nevertheless, people really want to look at us, especially when they are sure that we won’t stare back or look at them.