foolish mistakes, but whatever, they are all mine.
Mostly-cis, fat ,middle aged, bisexual, disabled, white femme. My hobby is seeing how many years I can add to my collection before I die.
Posting will be random but may contain fat acceptance, wool, and cats, lagomorphs and corvids in no particular order. Posting may also be sporadic as I have ME/CFS and a bunch of other stuff that makes me tired and some times crabby.
All worked by me is under the license below unless otherwise stated. Photos, quotes and work by other people are under license by their creator. If you see your work here and would like it removed from my blog, please contact me.
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 2.0 UK: England & Wales License
— Kate Harding (via bunnicula)
(similarly there is no such thing as being “good at sex”, you’re good at learning, adapting, and communicating, because there isn’t a fucking gold standard of sexual behaviour that works for everyone)
I continue to be baffled at just how difficult this idea seems to so many people. I am so not interested in trying to force you to find me attractive, so can you please all just move on ?
My hands are still shaking angrily a little as I write this, dear reader. But I hope that you will read my brief story and share it with others, to perhaps inspire more beautiful women to stand up to fat shaming.
I was at the grocery store tonight, and a woman in front of me, after commenting on my selection of granola bars, turned around and offered me her card, telling me that she was a personal trainer and I could call her any time. This small, but presumptuous action implies that she 1) thinks I’m fat, 2) is outwardly telling me I’m fat, 3) thinks there is something wrong with my body that should be fixed 4) assumes that I don’t take care of my body or work out/already have a personal trainer, and 5) that she would be “willing” to be the one to fix my body. Really? I mean— REALLY? I’m a teacher, so does that mean every time I meet someone stupid I can hand them my card and offer them an education to fix their mind?
I politely took the card without a word. Then, my forehead started burning, and I felt the anger and sadly, the shame, come rushing, blood red, to the front of my face. I didn’t say a word, but as I walked out of the store, bags in hand, I fumbled to find the card she had given me and called the number on the phone. Straight to voicemail. But I left a message:
“My name is Sarah and I just met you at the grocery store. Thanks for your card, but I’m going to politely decline. Instead, I want to give you some constructive feedback. Offering me personal training when you don’t even know me is offensive and implies there’s something wrong with my body. I want you to understand that just because my body doesn’t look like how YOU think it should look, doesn’t mean that there’s anything wrong with it or that you have the right to judge my body or offer me ways to ‘fix’ myself. It’s offensive and presumptuous to assume that I need or want personal training, and although it might be hard for you to understand, I actually am quite happy with the way my body looks. Just because I’m not a size 4, doesn’t mean I’m not beautiful, and doesn’t mean I’m not healthy or content with the way I am. I wish you all the best with your personal training career, and I hope this feedback is helpful for you.” *Click*
I’m learning to love my body and I won’t let someone shame me into feeling like there’s something wrong with it. Those kinds of remarks trigger so many emotions in me— shame, anger, rage, sadness, defeat. But I won’t let someone shame me anymore. It took a lot of courage to call her, but I’m glad I did, and I hope that she won’t continue shaming others because they don’t fit her cookie cutter model of what beautiful is. Please share/reblog my small story with others so that we can be reminded that we are beautiful and together, we can stand up against fat shaming. I never would have or could have done this without the inspiration of the beautiful fatshionable women of the blogosphere. Thank you to all of you who continue blogging. You inspire me to love my self, and to stand up for what’s right.
Sarah (Ze Zaftig) - “Standing Up To Fat Shaming” (via surlytemple)
The real reason that you find it necessary to compare yourself to others is that you’ve fallen under the spell that says that good things are always scarce. The scarcity model says that if the person that you’re comparing yourself to is (arguably) prettier than you, then that person has grabbed up too much of that thing called pretty and now there’s less for you. Same thing goes for fame or money or talent or intellect — the belief that those things are scarce makes us compare ourselves to others in terms of how much of those things we have versus what they have. When we lose this comparison battle we feel bad, jealous, envious, and less than whole. When we win the comparison battle we feel a bit of satisfaction mixed with an underlying fear that we may have won this battle, but what if things change and we lose out next time?
The key is to reconnect with your sense of abundance. For example, if you feel like everyone is more beautiful than you, start to look for beauty everywhere, particularly in people whom you might not normally think of as beautiful. You may find it easier to then see that beauty in yourself.